*puts stethoscope up to all of you in turn*

[slapbetcommish.livejournal.com]

So what seems to be the problem?

Comments

[gobrookeyourself]

Um, I am in a coma because my twin sister got jealous of my awesome life and decided to take advantage of my rare tropical disease to attempt to murder me.

At least my makeup has stayed flawless.

[satedan-soldier.livejournal.com]

I fell down an elevator shaft and died.

[endsthegame]

I'm a gay coming out PSA against intolerance.

I'm never getting laid.

Also, I'm suddenly old.

[rocksthescarf.livejournal.com]

JOHN SHEPPARD.

Also, I don't think my daddy loves me.

[baskiceball.livejournal.com]

I'm in a coma and my brother stole my Jell-O cup.

Can I get more Jell-O?

[notahostage]

Nobody includes only one thing which say being given incompetence of the dubber it translated telenovella; with interior Spaniard with English.

[yourwhiteknight.livejournal.com]

I got half my face burned off because I got distracted by boobs.

AND THE MEAN PRIEST SAID I WAS GONNA DIE!

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

I'm pregnant, and my boyfriend's making noises about leaving me for his previously-deceased wife.

[slapbetcommish.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I'm afraid you only have three months to live. Lollipop?

[slapbetcommish.livejournal.com]

*puts a band-aid on you, makes you all better*

[slapbetcommish.livejournal.com]

There, there, it happens to a lot of people when they get back from boarding school. Have a lollipop, it's like penicillin for the soul.

[slapbetcommish.livejournal.com]

To make your troubles worse, I'm afraid you have cancer of the bowtie. I'm very sorry.

[slapbetcommish.livejournal.com]

NO MORE JELL-O FOR YOU, GRAHAM.

[slapbetcommish.livejournal.com]

Purple monkey dishwasher. Lollipop?

[slapbetcommish.livejournal.com]

On the plus side, you seem to have recovered from your disorder of the cirrhosis. Congratulations!

[slapbetcommish.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Well at least you don't have inflammation of the phlebotomy?

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

CHARLES BASS!

Also, I'm marrying my girlfriend to secure the inheritance of her family's diamond mine despite flirting yesterday with her twin sister, a hermaphrodite, and a girl who looked exactly like my first love who died tragically.

My mun also keeps saying that I NEVER LEARNED TO READ but hopefully she won't bring that to the table.

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

I'm having a baby! And I found my long-lost father! Also, I've been recast.

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

I'm married to a guy I've never had the least bit of sexual tension with.

And I'm sleeping with his brother.

Who's married to the girl my husband is in love with.

Needless to say, holidays are interesting.

[oncourtandstage.livejournal.com]

We can fix that never getting laid part.

Not that I'm a narcissist or anything of the sort.

[slapbetcommish.livejournal.com]

Congratulations. However, you also have dismemberment of the googleymoogley. I'm sorry to have to tell you.

[slapbetcommish.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. On top of all this, you only have a week to live. I don't know why, you just do. But miracles do happen!

[slapbetcommish.livejournal.com]

On the bright side, you also have a hurting of the epidermis, which is highly contagious and you have probably already given it to all of them.

[thatsamilkshake]

I'm...hiding naked in my closet.

I realize there are clothes in there but I'm too distressed from giving Charles Bass a lapdance and running naked through town to remember that!

[morpherboy.livejournal.com]

My mun is violently allergic to soap operas, so I'm spending the weekend in a state of confusion. I'm not sure if this is better or worse than if she actually decided to torture me.