My dad is a controlling asshole. He didn't like that I'd develop an accent or thought of as different and forbade my mother to speak and teach me her native language, Farsi. I learned to speak Farsi anyway.
He was a decorated LAPD cop and when he retired other cops in the station looked up to him. I hated how the other cops fawned over him. He wasn't perfect but they seemed to think he walked on gold. His friends were the same too. In 1991, I'm pretty sure my father and his friends were the reason the $18 million from the Bank of LA is missing. He suspects I suspect and regularly takes his temper out on me out of guilt and fear. I never told anyone else but I started drinking because of it. I was twelve.
He always expected me to be better, always pushed me to be better. I gotta have good grades, follow his orders and most of all, I should never join the force.
I joined the force. Not only because it would piss him off but partly because I wanted to prove I would be a better cop than he ever would be and partly because I really wanted to be a cop. He resented this and never talked about my being a cop at home.
And then I learned everything he did wrong with me, he did right with Rachel Seybolt, the only surviving member of a family, I suspect, he ordered a hit on. I... don't know how to feel about that. That he treated another girl better than his own daughter.
I love my mom, I love her. But I wish she stood up to my dad more. I know she could but most of the time... she'd just let dad have free rein.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
multi-madrox.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomtherapy2009-08-13 12:54 pm
no subject
He was a decorated LAPD cop and when he retired other cops in the station looked up to him. I hated how the other cops fawned over him. He wasn't perfect but they seemed to think he walked on gold. His friends were the same too. In 1991, I'm pretty sure my father and his friends were the reason the $18 million from the Bank of LA is missing. He suspects I suspect and regularly takes his temper out on me out of guilt and fear. I never told anyone else but I started drinking because of it. I was twelve.
He always expected me to be better, always pushed me to be better. I gotta have good grades, follow his orders and most of all, I should never join the force.
I joined the force. Not only because it would piss him off but partly because I wanted to prove I would be a better cop than he ever would be and partly because I really wanted to be a cop. He resented this and never talked about my being a cop at home.
And then I learned everything he did wrong with me, he did right with Rachel Seybolt, the only surviving member of a family, I suspect, he ordered a hit on. I... don't know how to feel about that. That he treated another girl better than his own daughter.
I love my mom, I love her. But I wish she stood up to my dad more. I know she could but most of the time... she'd just let dad have free rein.
I may have a few issues.