End-of-Summer Therapy

[bitten_notshy]

Classes start in a week, so, Fandom, how was your summer? Did you get a tan? Fall in love? Are you still hoping to do one or both of those things before Labor Day?

Any lingering summer trauma, including the omg-island-of-vampires kind? Share. We love it when you share.

Comments

[intraspective]

Because I'd do it again. Will do it again. And even though I feel--weird about it.

I... don't feel... guilty. Hokage-sama ordered it, therefore it's okay. I did it for my village, on orders, so it doesn't--matter... what it was.

I'm no hero, I'm not very nice, and I'm absolutely terrified of people freaking out on me because I adore some of them but they wouldn't understand that part of me. I'm no monster, according to my world. But according to this one...

I probably am.

[bitten_notshy]

I'm not here to lecture you; for one, I hardly know you.

Though I might suggest you find someone else to give you orders, if you're getting ones like that. I take it that it wasn't self-defense?

[intraspective]

I know--I'm just defensive. I guess.

I don't think I could find someone else to give me orders. I was born and raised and understand those sorts of orders.

And, no. Not self defense. A woman wanted her husband dead and his mistress implicated. I killed him, and the child he'd had with the mistress, with her hands.

[bitten_notshy]

...

You now, I'm not one to judge, but -- in the modern vernacular -- that is seriously fucked up.

[intraspective]

No wondering now, why I'd rather lie?

To me, it makes sense--but it's still not easy. To everyone else... well. Yeah. As you said.

[bitten_notshy]

You killed a child just because someone told you to. I don't understand how that can ever permit you peace with yourself.

So yes. I see why you'd lie.

[intraspective]

Children are no more sacred than any other life. You demean and belittle everyone else who dies by implicating that. Yes, I killed a child. I also killed a man. And I did it using the hands of a woman who loved her child. Who cared for the man she'd had that child with.

I am well aware of my actions and I judge them all equally.

My life is, well, my life. I'll find my own form of peace, though it might not be one you understand.

[Which, on re-read, deserves a big: Ino's opinion is not mine omg and if this is too much, just tell me.]

[bitten_notshy]

I think all of it is crap, but at least most adults have done something wrong at some point in their lives.

And, frankly, I don't think any too highly of anyone who'd use a teenage girl to do that kind of work, either. You and your assassin friend, or whatever the Turk is, can have your mutual pity-party in the other thread, and I hope you both find whatever peace and whatever judgment suit you. As it is, I'm glad I don't really know either of you, and more glad my world makes sense in this way.

[I figured, and same goes for this.]

[intraspective]

Well, I'd hardly be likely to tell you any of this where it counted, so aren't you a lucky duckling? Quack quack quack, darling, judgment is frothing from your lips.

My world mostly makes sense on the values it is built on.

(And the child was an--accident.)

[bitten_notshy]

If those values are that it's acceptable for children to kill children "on orders," that's no sense at all.

I know I'm judging. I noticed it, darling.

If it was an accident, you should have said so to start with.

[intraspective]

As much sense as it is for children as young as six to take to the battlefield in times of war. Our children don't stay innocent for long. Our world doesn't allow it.

I could have said it earlier but it doesn't change what I did. So it doesn't really matter, does it?

[bitten_notshy]

It makes your boss a slightly more understandable form of evil if he wasn't actually instructing you to kill children. That's all.

Innocence in my world is a privilege for rich children.

[intraspective]

Innocence is different then, for you and me.

We were not taught specifically to kill children, but we were taught specifically to kill. Children are not a big leap.