My ex (and I'm not counting her cousin I apparently had kinky marathon bedroom games with) still thinks she owns me, because of that whole dirtiest-lily-flower-ever tattoo on my left breast thing. Also, she's a psycho megalomaniac crime boss who's going to send people to stalk me and monitor my every move so she can blackmail, lure, or terrify me into going back to her. All of the above, really.

And then aforementioned cousin will decide to come after me again, too.

Did I mention that the psycho megalomaniac ex also has a creepy incestuous obsession with her brother?

Yeah.