fandomtherapy | (no subject)

Current Mood: hopeful

(no subject)

Tell me a secret, Fandom High. Something no one else knows.

If you don't have any secrets, tell me one thing you wish would happen to you.

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What? About the dancing? About the hugs? Yeah, I was going to nag about them, because I didn't get it. It doesn't hit the same level of drop it, for some reason, as a simple 'no, I don't want to talk about it'. Especially when there's exceptions.

And, oh, Cal. You really don't get it, do you? I already care.

If you can have exceptions on what to pry on, I can have exceptions about hugging, and it doesn't even matter anymore because I'm actually opening up to people now. Okay, fine, it didn't start with you, but it's not like you're reaping the benefits.

And if that's the case, well, great. One of us is totally screwed.

But you didn't trust me, and that hurts even though I smile and say I'm good about it and haven't even said ONE WORD about not being okay with you and Amber together outside of this therapy. I'm trying so hard, and then you're just telling me that maybe I shouldn't be trying 'cause apparently prying is what worked in the first place.

Probably me; again.

For someone who's looking for honest in me, you sure aren't doing much to return the favor by the sound of it.

And I doubt it. I'm the one who's got that down to a science, after all.

I'm trying to be a friend! I'm trying not to hate Amber just 'cause you like her better and it's freakin' hard, 'cause if it wasn't for you I'd like her just fine! And I do, when you're not in the picture. But you're you, and now you're always in the picture, and you've tried to cut me out over a bunch of photos and I've got no IDEA how you'd react if I said that I HATED the idea of you and her together and wished she'd DROP DEAD.

Fine then, looks like we'll both hurt.

Exactly. We'll both be hurt. Which is why this barrier has to stay between us, because this way, I'm hurt a lot less, and I am an ass who looks out for his own interests and no one else's. Because that's all you'd want to be: a friend. But I can't get close to people like that without wanting to be so much more than that, and it would kill me inside having to be just your friend, just like it did with her.

*stomps feet* YOU DON'T GET IT. I'm TRYING to be a FRIEND because you don't seem to WANT anything else.

And that's so sad, you know that? Getting hurt sucks so much, but it's way better than not living at all.

It's kind of the only way I know how to live.

And maybe I don't get it, but maybe you don't, either. Where we stand, we are friends. Anything more will be past the point of no return.

We are, we are. But I can't help wondering, and I can't help hating someone for getting to be more, and I can't help that my prying is apparently the wrong sort for you to open up.

I'm sorry I can't be honest enough with you to tell you all of that, but I can't. Because I don't know how you'd react at all and I'd rather have you as a friend than not have you at all.

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