fandomtherapy | Nameless Name...

And avoiding it makes it easier? I don't get that at all.

It gives me time to think of what should be done. And then, when I'm ready, I stop avoiding it.

And what if, in avoiding it, you only make it worse? Some people don't like being left alone.

Then that's unfortunate. It's a gamble either way. Stay and possibly ruin things. Go and think and try and fix things later and possibly ruin things by waiting. Different people prefer different things. Unfortunate but true.

Why never stay and fix things?

With you or with other people?

Why not both? People in general, and me in specific.

With some people, I do. It depends on how they act. If it's obvious that they just want to be mad at me and have me stand there and take it, I'm not going to stand there and take it. Especially if they've already decided that I did things for this reason or that reason and don't want to listen to what I have to say about my reasons for my actions.

If they're mad at me and they say what they want me to fix, I'll explain why I did it, promise to fix my mistake, ie, thing I did accidentally without meaning to cause harm, and things should be fixed.

There's nothing in there about apologizing for your mistakes, I note. And you've the nerve to call me arrogant.

At least I can apologize for my mistakes without trying to turn it around and make it the fault of someone else.

Changing my behavior would be a part of the apology. I didn't mention it because you always seem to say that actions speak louder than words. But I would, of course, apologize. When do I NOT when I think I've done the wrong thing?

And I didn't turn around and make it anyone else's fault. I got angry with you in return because when I ASK you what's wrong, you play games expecting me to stick around and prod until you tell me. Two very different things.

Changing your behaviour--like you did so that you never mention Amber at all to me? Not even like you were dating or not, you just don't bring her up at all? Because that's annoying, and a poor apology.

And what of your conversation with Amber later ~~OOC knowledge ftw~~? 'Oh, woe, I'm not normal, at least you try Amber, I love you'. Tell me that's not making you out to be the victim. Because that's how it sounds to me.

And, Liir, the longer you're here, the less water that excuse holds. What if you're here for the full four years? No one's going to go 'oh, he had a crappy life so I'll forgive him for being a jerk'.

Sometimes a jerk is a jerk is a jerk no matter what their life is like. It's an explanation, but a poor excuse. Even when I'm mad at you, you jerk, I love you.

But just as you aren't going to put up with my games, then I won't put up with yours. When you apologize, you do your best to make it seem like I'm in the wrong. And that's not an apology at all.

I could answer you in a long, drawn out diatribe, but I'm not going to. I'll just say this:

I love you. And I've never said you were anything, wrong or others, just your choice of approach.

My approach? Getting angry when I'm, shockingly, angry? I'm not a sweet-talker to say things gently and kindly and you know that. That's why you've got Amber.

'Cause she's nicer than me. I'm not very nice when I don't think something is very nice.

And you say you love me, and I believe you, but I don't believe you'll think about anything I said. Just because it's said with anger, that doesn't make it wrong.

I think about everything you say. And I can agree that I hurt you without agreeing that I did something wrong. I can apologize that I hurt you without agreeing I did something wrong.

But you don't seem to want to hear that. It seems like all or nothing for you, so I don't know what to do.

You haven't agreed, you haven't apologized, you just walked out and that was that. I'm not the sort to come after you. I won't. That's just who I am, and I think you were being just as arrogant and snide and on a high horse as I was. Do you ever do anything about anything I say? Because you seem to just keep on repeating the same things. For someone who says they change their behaviour, you don't really.

Do you want a freakin' itemized list of shit I want to know about when I ask 'what's up' or whatever? Because I still don't get why that apparently wasn't inclusive enough for you to bother telling me.

And I won't apologize. I was angry, and I still think it was justified. At least I didn't walk out.

I walked out because I didn't want to yell or be yelled at anymore. I consider that respect. You didn't walk out and you consider that respect. Different ideas don't make anyone wrong.

And no, I didn't apologize because I was veritably attacked with something I'd said to someone else. That's not a way to start anything constructively. That's an automatic dig at someone made to piss them off or hurt them.

And I KNOW now. If I ever do end up going out with someone that I've been friends with for ages, I'll make sure to tell you. It's not as if there's a way for me to fix this immediately.

But abandonment issues are a bitch, so sorry, but I'm not going to forget that your response is to leave the moment I start saying things you don't like.

Of course I was trying to hurt you, you hurt me by all but your silence--which meant, obviously, that I didn't matter enough to you to bother.

I'm vindictive. I'm a bitch. How else would I react?

Abandonment issues? The last time we got into a big argument and I stayed, you decided I wasn't your brother anymore. So no, I don't want to chance that happening again.

No, I'm not going to forget that happened. And yes, it meant a lot more to me than I think you understand. I'd almost thank you for it because you shattered me again and I had to pick up all the pieces myself without anyone and I never would have learned how to deal with it without you.

And there's a big fricking difference between hurting as a mistake and hurting with malicious intent. Why you keep insisting that you didn't 'matter', I don't know. I really really don't. But there's nothing I can do to convince you different, so what do you want me to do? Honestly?

You're the one that tried to make it all about you after what was one of the worst weekends in my life. I don't apologize for snapping and saying the only thing I thought would get you to GO AWAY.

And there's a big difference between 'I'm going away until you calm down' and 'I'm never talking to you again unless you change something about yourself' and GUESS WHICH ONE YOU SAID THEN. That's right, THE SECOND ONE.

Because I don't matter. Not if you can replace me with Amber so easily, not if you can't be bothered to tell me things about what's going on when I ask, not if you can just walk out and think things will be alright.

I don't know what I want you to do. All I know is what I'm going to do, and that's absolutely nothing.

I'm not playing your game, and going after you.

I'm not replacing you with Amber. She's my GIRLFRIEND. You're my SISTER. If they were the same thing, I'd be a very very sick boy.

And actually, what I said was that I wouldn't have YOU ask ME to change something about myself. I think you took that exactly how I didn't mean it.

I don't think things are all right. I am going to talk to you when you get back.

And I wasn't trying to make anything about me. I was there, trying to make YOU feel better and usually YOU want me to stick around until you get around to what's bothering you. You suddenly changed your mind. So I've taken the hint.

You're upset, I LEAVE.

And if you aren't sorry for divorcing yourself from someone you claimed as family, well... then I don't know what to say to you. I might walk out, but at the end of the day, I love you and consider you kin. I might be angry, I might be frustrated, but I would never sever that.

I guess you consider pride over family. That answers that question.

It doesn't answer anything because you're just not listening when I talk to you.

GEEZ.

It seems we have the same complaint then.

Nameless Name...

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