fandomtherapy | Whispers in the Dark

You can have your own opinions, but the way you spoke to me didn't make me inclined to take them seriously. You told me I don't know what love is, because I did something that I know was deeply wrong and deeply stupid.

I don't think you can judge anyone on one act.

And I don't think marriage is a toy to be so lightly thrown around.

The fact that you think coming in and acting like nothing had been wrong, and then that an apology and feeling sorry for it makes up for that, offends me.

That's not love either.

I didn't do anything to you. I have nothing to make up to you. Let Yurika decide if I love her or not, please.

So I should just smile and nod and pretend I don't have a problem?

This isn't about Yurika. Sorry, Dojima-san. That's up to her. This is about the way you think an apology fixes everything and the fact that I don't think it does.

You're right. There's absolutely nothing you can apologize for to me. But there's also absolutely nothing that can make me view you the same way as before.

That is not my fault.

Perhaps not, but you should be less judgmental. I didn't sin against you, there is nothing to fix, you admit yourself I owe you no apology, so I fail to see the harm in setting it aside.

I made a mistake. That's all it was. People want it to be more than that; I think half the school would be more forgiving if I'd taken Angela to bed. Perhaps I should have.

And, with all respect, worry over your opinion of me is not keeping me up nights.

That's because marriage means more to most people than that. Sex, at least, is a common 'mistake'. You know, when people are drunken idiots.

It's a difference of degree.

I didn't think it was. You don't seem to give a damn as long as you can be 'happy' in 'love'. I'm sorry that friendship means so little to you, but I've never pretended to be forgiving. I've always been judgemental. And you're not doing much better with that.

And, with all respect, I think my opinion on marriage is a perfectly valid one to keep as it is.

For fuck's sake, Ino, I got married at age 16 to a girl I had known for 12 hours to get her to sleep with me.

I'm still that person. That *is* what marriage means to me, when it's not a business arrangement.

And a cruise ship is not a church. I said some words, no more. That's all it was. I'm sorry I don't have the same values you do.

Friendship means a great deal to me, but I'm not about to argue with you about something when you are just wrong and neither of us will change our minds. I have better ways to spend my time.

And friends who look the other way over your faults?

I won't. I'm sorry that's what you want in a friend, but I'll never be that way.

I don't expect people to simply pretend I have no faults, and I won't give someone else that either.

If that means that you'll never talk to me again, then fine. I'll miss you, and I hope you do well, but I can't say I'm sorry for being me.

I didn't think you wanted to talk to me. Listening to you tell me about the faults I'm already painfully aware I have isn't a conversation I would relish.

Godspeed to you, either way.

Edited 2009-03-30 03:06 (UTC)

I doubt your god would care for my life, Romeo.

Just because I'm mad doesn't mean I don't want to talk. I just don't want you dismissing me out of hand because I won't back down. If you can deal with the fact that I'm not okay with it, and aren't going to be okay with it, we can still talk. It's not like every conversation we'd have would revolve around your faults.

We've had two, since the marriage--is it really so surprising what the topic of them has been?

I don't especially care if you're okay with it or not. If that's dismissing you, I'll dismiss you, now, next week, in ten years.

But I can talk to you, if you won't make it about that again.

I can't make promises, but I would rather not lose a friend.

Though if I can be dismissed so easily, that makes me wonder how much of a friendship we had in the first place. Sorry, but people ought to matter more than that--more than one disagreement can break.

It's nothing personal -- I don't know how to talk to people I have disagreements with. There are people I said stupid things in front of my first week here who I'm still avoiding.

I did think you were a friend.

But only if I agree with you? Nice.

And you say I'm the judgmental one.

How am i being judgmental? I don't need you to agree with me, but the last thing I knew was that if I said hello to you, you would bite my head off. It makes one wary.

'You did' consider me a friend.' I don't know, that sounds pretty judgmental to me.

I bite your head off once over a topic that I seem to recall the last time ended on me saying I'd kick your ass, and you inviting me to try. If you'd come in nearly any other way, even a 'so, are you still mad' it would've gone better.

Instead it was like you just forgot that I'd been angry, and while I'm well aware of how little I matter to you, people generally remember when someone is mad at them. So, yeah, that's rather judgmental, don't you think? I'm not perfect, you're not perfect, but acknowledging that fact goes down way easier than pretending it didn't happen.

Oh, no. No, no, no. You are not making this a referendum on how much you "matter" to me. I like you. I respect you. I think you're occasionally completely insane, but I never had cause to doubt that we'd be friends again before this conversation.

And I don't think I did anything wrong the last time we spoke, so I am not apologizing. I never have claimed to be perfect.

You're the one that keeps putting things in past tense! I'm not the one saying things like 'you used to be a friend' or 'you were a friend' or 'I did think you were a friend', and you're trying to make me out to be the one whose in the wrong?

Excuse me? I said I'm still your friend. I mean that. I'm not happy with you, no, but that's not a 'goodbye, so long, I'll never talk to you'. Friends don't always agree, and sometimes those things that they don't agree on are on Important Things. I obviously consider marriage to be a lot more important than you do. Fine.

And, Romeo, an off-hand comment about mattering isn't turning it into anything--I know that on the list of where I stand, I'm not that high on most peoples' lists. It's not just you.

I'm not apologizing either. No one's perfect. You're still my friend, dammit.

You're arguing with me over verb tenses now? All right, then: I have been your friend, I am your friend, I will be your friend. I'm just not good at not agreeing with people.

I'll go find you at that flower shop tomorrow.

That's better! You should know, I can argue over everything. Those verb tenses are important, if you want to be clear.

And, um, that's a sweet thought and all, but I won't be there, so...

Oh for the love of...

Ino, hon, you need to come talk to me. Because contrary to what you think, this IS about me and NOT YOU.

If your opinion on marriage is valid, so is his, and so is mine. And mine says that nine times out of ten, you marry whomever you have to for the honor of the clan, and just keep your love affairs discreet and tidy. Everyone can be happy if no one is stupid.

I was hurt because this wasn't arranged. It was me feeling rejected, exactly the same as if he'd cheated on me after making such a big deal about dating. I never expected my Romeo to cheat, physically or emotionally. That's what devastated me. Not the words, although I boggle that you can get that drunk, but the speed with which I was replaced by Angela.

So quit projecting your relationship issues onto my relationship, please. It's tacky, and you're better than that.

Dojima-san, with all due respect, I have not said one word to you because I don't feel this is any of your concern.

It's not about your relationship.

It's about how I view him, and how that's changed, and I'm very not sorry but I can't just pretend that didn't happen. My opinion of him changed, and I can't fix that and close my eyes to it.

Whispers in the Dark

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