fandomtherapy | End-of-Summer Therapy

Gee, I don't know, maybe having my first assassination mission and then coming back and getting to lie to everyone ever that I'm Totally Fine and Nothing Happened.

(Except for Reno. He got the full story. So he's apparently not part of... everyone ever. Something.)

No falling in love. No real progress on any front like that and honestly I don't know if I want any progress on that front right now. I've got enough on my plate.

I ain't everyone ever, so clearly I gotta be someone else!

Makes perfect sense to me, zoto.

It would.

And you're... you. Reno. You're allowed to know.

I'm a Turk. I get it.

You get it, too. S'why you get to know things right back, Rookie. Even if you ain't a Turk, you're damn close.

I'd be the cutest Turk ever if I got my hands on a uniform! (Though, if I did, your reaction might be--interesting. I don't know at all how you'd react. That's a bit odd, that I don't know that.)

It--matters, though, that you Get It. I don't think I can really explain how much. And it's seriously humbling that you believe I Get It on your part.

You Do The Job. No matter what. Because that's what you are. If there's anything else to get about it beyond that, it's all just tied in to that line anyhow.

And I dunno. Cissnei was a pretty damn cute little Turk, too. The kind with cheeks you kinda wanna pinch right on up until the point where she rams a shuriken straight up your ass, yo.

I'm tryin' to picture you in the dark suit, Rookie. I gotta admit, I'm havin' trouble gettin' my head around it. That's one of them things you don't put on unless you're plannin' on stickin' around and earnin' your keep with it.

If I ever put it on, Reno, I'd be there to stay 'till they got rid of me in a body bag--if there was even that much left of me. I know that. Right now I've already got one set of loyalties, I don't think I could handle another like that. Headbands and suits, that'd be too much for anyone to walk with. I just like wondering, sometimes, what you'd say if I did.

It's always the cute ones!

And, yeah, that line--if you don't get it, you can't really explain it. It's a gut thing more than anything else.

Edited 2009-08-24 15:10 (UTC)

I think if you ever put it on, Ino, I'd be flattered an' terrified all at the same damn time. Even now, tryin' to pick up the pieces, it ain't a clean job. An' the whole damn world wants to see us dead because of them pieces.

That's why we ain't offered the suit to anybody, yet. We need the help, but we don't wanna sign no more death warrants.

And if a volunteer came knocking, would you turn them down? I'm not saying I would, especially not right now, but--sometimes people to volunteer 'cause they're good at it. 'Cause they don't got no other place that'll work for them.

'Cause it's messed up and yet messed up suits them.

Messed up suited me just fine. If anyone really was crazy enough to do the job, if they figured it fit, an' we figured they could? We'd be crazy to turn 'em away.

And you're not that crazy!

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intraspective - 2009-08-24 16:03 (UTC) - Expand

An assassination mission would take precedence over matters of the heart, certainly.

Why do you feel you must lie to everyone? It can't be as simple as "people think killing is wrong", can it?

Because I'd do it again. Will do it again. And even though I feel--weird about it.

I... don't feel... guilty. Hokage-sama ordered it, therefore it's okay. I did it for my village, on orders, so it doesn't--matter... what it was.

I'm no hero, I'm not very nice, and I'm absolutely terrified of people freaking out on me because I adore some of them but they wouldn't understand that part of me. I'm no monster, according to my world. But according to this one...

I probably am.

I'm not here to lecture you; for one, I hardly know you.

Though I might suggest you find someone else to give you orders, if you're getting ones like that. I take it that it wasn't self-defense?

I know--I'm just defensive. I guess.

I don't think I could find someone else to give me orders. I was born and raised and understand those sorts of orders.

And, no. Not self defense. A woman wanted her husband dead and his mistress implicated. I killed him, and the child he'd had with the mistress, with her hands.

...

You now, I'm not one to judge, but -- in the modern vernacular -- that is seriously fucked up.

Edited 2009-08-24 15:17 (UTC)

No wondering now, why I'd rather lie?

To me, it makes sense--but it's still not easy. To everyone else... well. Yeah. As you said.

You killed a child just because someone told you to. I don't understand how that can ever permit you peace with yourself.

So yes. I see why you'd lie.

Children are no more sacred than any other life. You demean and belittle everyone else who dies by implicating that. Yes, I killed a child. I also killed a man. And I did it using the hands of a woman who loved her child. Who cared for the man she'd had that child with.

I am well aware of my actions and I judge them all equally.

My life is, well, my life. I'll find my own form of peace, though it might not be one you understand.

[Which, on re-read, deserves a big: Ino's opinion is not mine omg and if this is too much, just tell me.]

Edited 2009-08-24 15:38 (UTC)

I think all of it is crap, but at least most adults have done something wrong at some point in their lives.

And, frankly, I don't think any too highly of anyone who'd use a teenage girl to do that kind of work, either. You and your assassin friend, or whatever the Turk is, can have your mutual pity-party in the other thread, and I hope you both find whatever peace and whatever judgment suit you. As it is, I'm glad I don't really know either of you, and more glad my world makes sense in this way.

[I figured, and same goes for this.]

Edited 2009-08-24 15:43 (UTC)

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intraspective - 2009-08-24 16:47 (UTC) - Expand

Yamanaka, if people are getting you down, just call. We'll have the spare futon cleared off before you finish booking your portal. A weekend in my Tokyo, and you'll forget about any cares or doom or gloom.

And you know I don't ask questions.

I know. And thank you so much.

But--well, there's Romeo. And he would. And he's one of the ones I'd never explain it to. Lying while trying to get away from the lying seems... broken. I might, once I can do it a bit better, because I believe you that there'd be no room for other thoughts in my head.

He's Romeo. He's got a big heart, and is painfully honest with his emotions. It's part of what I love about him. You're right, he'd be horrified, but I think the world needs people like that, to keep people like me from veering too far off the path.

To be perfectly honest, if I knew all the details, I'd probably be upset with you too. The people I Hunt have all done something horrible to deserve it. Taking a mission fueled by someone's petty jealousy? That, yeah, I'd have a problem with. But then my problem is with your boss, and not with you.

I know that you Do The Job. It's what I grew up with around my father's men, I accept it about you and Reno, and it's what I am. But that doesn't mean I have to like it, and I might hit you with a pillow for not finding a better plan.

Does that make any sense?

Maybe the world needs them? But I don't think I can handle it right now. I'm having enough issues with it--I don't need someone who'd either act like I'm the monster, or like my leader is and that it's easy to quit and find a better life. I was born for this sort of thing. Adjusting is--because of Fandom.

I'm a nicer person than I used to be, but not that much nicer.

It does make sense, but that's just--we do what people hire us to do and if Hokage-sama accepts the job. Once it's accepted, it doesn't matter what it is. And I don't know if I want it different.

My plan, though, yes. It might have been different. I'm trying not to think about that. I don't want that on me too.

My people have no laws against murder. But everything, every life has a price.

You are paying it.