fandomtherapy | lost in the mix

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lost in the mix

It's been way too long since Fandom's had some therapy and after some of the goings on, I think we fucking need it. So, Fandom denizens far and wide, what the fuck is going on? How the fuck are you? What the fuck is keeping you busy? How the fucking are you feeling?

Catch up with each other, talk it out, wonder what the fuck you got yourself into (oh new students, you'll get used to shit, we promise) and look ahead to the future! It's therapy. Sit down on the couch and let it all out, Fandom.

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I lost the benefits on one of my friends with benefits. If I'm honest, I know I'm mostly upset because I thought our arrangement would last at least to the end of the school year, and it didn't, and maybe I should have tried harder to keep him.

I'm trying hard not to fall for someone else.

I got into a fight with a good friend, and I don't think we'll ever be able to talk it out even if we make a sort of peace.

But classes are amazing this term, and I'm waiting on a part in the play. That's all good, right?

What's stopping you from the feelings crap? They're not so bad, I've found out. They can actually be pretty fucking nice.

And it sounds like a lot of people here can agree to disagree but that grudge is always going to be there. Sort of.

Where do we go, if I give in to my feelings and play the romantic? I'm not so daft as to think she'll come home with me and be part of my vampire's happy family, and I can't imagine him joining her world any more readily. And then there's someone else, and I like her tremendously, and, even though I know we're going our separate ways come summer, I don't want to hurt her. No. Feelings won't do anyone any good here. Better to keep it casual.

And you're exactly right, on the grudge. I wouldn't mind her world being broken if she would at least see it for what it is. Or, if she can't, at the very least act as if it were within the realm of possibility that other people's worlds might be interesting, moral, or valuable in some way.

Hmmmph.

Edited 2010-01-19 01:22 (UTC)

And from what I've seen of humans, if they're gonna fall in love (because yes, that's what it is), resistance is eventually going to be fucking futile.

Whoa whoa whoa! You're the one who started saying my world and customs were crazy and wrong and stupid. Why do you think I'm taking Ms. Cabot's class? So I can learn and go back and improve things because I know my world isn't perfect. But just because you get freaked out about some aspects of my world, you dismissed the entire thing out of hand with no regard for anything but your own feelings.

I feel as though every third conversation we have is you going on about the blood or jewels or cockrings or something else utterly insane. How often have you asked about my world? And the one time I told you anything beyond the most superficial, you froze and threw it in my face at your next opportunity. However it's meant, it feels like a lack of interest.

~~If I were being honest, I would say you made me uncomfortable and I lashed out, and I shouldn't have said what I said. It was rude. But I'm not being honest just yet.~~

Edited 2010-01-19 04:11 (UTC)

First of all, I'm still so busy trying to understand this world, I'm hesitant to try to juggle new ones into the mix. There is nothing in this world that's an analogue to mine. Nothing. Do you know how scary it is to wake up completely adrift every day, knowing that even the words that are shared between my world and this mean something very different? Talking about my home is a touchstone for me. The only way I'm every going to understand it is by comparing and contrasting to what I know to try to figure out how it fits. It's not a lack of interest, it's a lack of comprehension.

That and I don't want to look like an idiot in front of you, asking about the silliest thing. You admire competence and I haven't much outside the things my world finds relevant. Also, for all of your cherubness, you don't present yourself as open to much probing about your background.

I am really sorry about the slavery comment. It wasn't meant as a dig to you...just the institution in general. It's something I find horrific in my own country. That doesn't make it right that I mentioned it though.

You've been here eight months, Karla. It's not a lifetime, but it's enough to find your footing. Emma says I should just think of you as an alien; she may be right.

Though I almost envy you your certain sense of what home is and what the rules there are. I've spent my life adjusting as fast as I can before things start to change again. I'm good at it, but the trade-off is that I pass everywhere and fit in nowhere.

I like talking about myself as much as anyone does -- and, even though feeling quizzed makes me go suspicious and cold, I like teaching. You have to understand, at home being Jewish is bad, being gay is criminal, and being a vampire can get you killed. I know those rules don't apply here, but there's decades of conditioning involved. You can ask me anything.

I am an alien here Jack, for all that I'm completely human. And I have found my footing--just in very, very specific instances. And it's easy to lose. It's why I like acting so much--then nothing matters but the stage. The rest of the time though, I don't have the luxury of forgetting.

And part of the reason I do talk about home so much is because it's changing. It's going wrong. It's getting poisoned and...sometimes I talk to remind myself how things should be and sometimes I talk because it's a kind of self-flagellation. I'm here and not there and people are being broken and killed in my absence. Maybe if I were a little more truthful about what I'm coming from, the circumstances around my leaving, you'd understand a bit more. Everything here is geared towards me going back and trying to fix things that have gone horribly, horribly wrong.

I'm just worried that if I can't tell you the good things about my home, you'll just repudiate me further when you learn of the bad. Though I have a feeling we could understand each other a bit more if we did, because what I am is becoming villified back home, too.

I think our points of view are just different to the point of absurdity. I'm interested in revolution, I'm interested in danger, I'm interested in rebellion -- I'd be fascinated if you told me about the problems in your home. I spend half my time at home working with the Irish to throw the English out of the colonies.

But the things you see as 'good' are so alien that I can't process them as anything except odd at best. (And, while I'd take my education over powers if I had to make a conscious choice, there's still a little whine of frustration bordering on jealousy inside my head that so many people here can easily do things I could never, ever do. So there's that.)

Moot point, since I doubt we'll have those conversations. We'll always have the stage.

~~I think your arms are absurdly hot in that icon~~

You're right about not having these conversations, though. I'm glad we'll have the stage, but it isn't the same. And I'm really sorry for that.

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