REAL TRAUMA ZOMG!

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

Help me!

My stupid mun is one of those raving lunatic Red Sox fans. Like, the kind that names pets Oil Can and has more Sox T-shirts than underwear (no, really) and thinks the real new year is in April.

NOW THERE IS A DUDE NAMED AARON BOONE LIVING IN TOWN. AARON FRELLING FRAKKIN GORRAM BOONE! Blah blah blah Cabalcakes. My mun has a shiver of horror whenever she sees the name, and she doesn't even know the fandom!

What if he tries to kill me? Or hit a walk-off home run in Game 7 of the ALCS, leaving my mum dangerously close to being arrested for drunk and disorderly and public urination behind the Broadway T stop? Shewe'll never recover!

She's never going to let me out of my room again! Eventually I will run out of toast! And Alanna's a cool roommate and all, but she doesn't swing that way. I'm going to need to start reading creepy Internet pr0n to survive!

And he's everywhere!

I AM GOING TO BE A VIRGIN UNTIL I DIE BECAUSE OF AARON BOONE!

Comments

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

WE'RE BREAKING UP BECAUSE OF THAT OMG!

[can_be_more]

I'M SORRY BUT THEY SUCK, OMG. THE FANS WEAR CHEESE ON THEIR HEADS.

[ten-and-chips.livejournal.com]

THAT IS BECAUSE THEY ARE AWESOME! EVEN I THINK SO. YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT THEY WEAR ON THEIR HEADS ON SALIGORIUS PRIME--IT INVOLVES A SALMON-LIKE FISH. OMG, SCARY!

[can_be_more]

YES BUT IT IS CHEESE.