fandomtherapy | (no subject)

No, no, that's because of the touching myself and killing dinosaurs.

Wade? Why do you kill dinosaurs and kittens?

...

I was touched in bad places by a priest? Or is spousal abuse the new it thing to blame your mental trauma on because I got that too!

Nate's a big meanie

Have you told people you're gay? That could be a source of your frustrations and violent outbursts.

But I don't even like glitter!

And yet, you're wearing spandex in bright colors.

Spandex does not make you gay.

It's cotton, not spandex! And the bright colors mean I'm very comfortable in my heterosexuality! Comfortable enough to have sex with other men if I so choose, which I don't.

...and it doesn't count if you're both girls at the time anyway.

Do you often partake in non-gay gay sex?

...Well there was that time where Nate and I merged due to some wacky viral hijinks and then he spat me out all nekkid...

Does all your animosity stem from the fact that Nate is better looking? Or that you'll never be as popular as Wolverine?

Wait, you think Nate is ~~hot like a hot tamale~~ good looking? How am I the gay one here?

You look like an ambling pile of seared meat. Nate looks manly and doesn't parade himself around in spandex.

Does it trouble you that Lobo is a more well-defined character than you?

Whoa there. Don't make me find those Liefeld images of him. You want to see horror upon horror, you just wait.

And Lobo wants to be as cool as I am. He's like Hayden: same Deadpool flavor, only half the Deadpool awesome.

Does it bother you that Liefield has no grasp of anatomy?

HELL YEAH IT DOES.

Oh Em Gee, Doc! I think we found the root of my severe mental trauma that has destroyed my fragile little mind to the point where not even the most ~~weetiny~~ ~~adorable~~ ~~snuggle worthy~~ powerful telepath in the world could fix it.

Are you sure? I've got Scarlet Witch on speed dial. More accurately, she has me on speed dial and I have her on call block.