fandomtherapy | (no subject)

You aren't giving me much credit, you know.

I probably will give you that look.

But you did give me a second chance in a similar circumstance. I haven't forgotten that.

So if I come up to you tomorrow and ~~spoil the series for everyone~~ tell you everything, you'd be fine? "Romeo, koibito, I'm a Witch Hunter, I always have been, and I've been reporting back to my superior this whole time," you'd be okay with that?

What time frame are we talking about?

No, my immediate response is not going to be "That's okay, Yurika, have a cookie you poor thing," and not just because I don't say okay except IC-but-OOC like this. You've been lying to me fairly directly for six months. I'm going to give you that look and I'm going to scream and I'm going to want to know what you told your superiors and if you chose me because I've killed before. Then I'm probably going to storm off and I might not want to deal with you at all for a little bit.

But. Do I think we can talk through it? Do I think we can, eventually, get back to where we are -- or to an even better place, since you won't have that hanging over you? I think that's where you aren't giving me enough credit. You know I've been broken before. I heal, and quickly. I can forgive, too.

Edited 2008-07-28 02:14 (UTC)

...

If you tried to give me a cookie and pat me on the head, I might just punch you. I don't need you to coddle me.

Don't you get it? I know you've been broken before, that's why I'm so scared of breaking you again.

I don't need to be "protected" with lies any more than you need to be coddled.

You are the world to me right now. But no, you can't break me so I would stay broken. I don't think that can even happen.

I'm sorry, are you under the impression that I'm enjoying tap-dancing around the truth with you? Because I'm not. At all.

Unfortunately, it's not all about you, and it's not even about me. It's the mission, and that has to come first. Or would you rather I just pass on the whole thing and let people die?

I'm sorry, darling, where did I say I thought you were enjoying yourself? Because I don't think I did.

... no. I don't think you should let people die. But I can't believe those are your only choices.

Or do you think I can't keep a secret?

Romeo, I ~~love you even if I can't admit it to myself~~ adore you, I do. With everything I have. But you can't even keep a secret during a drinking game!

Oh, that is so not fair.

Juliet isn't a secret -- it was something I was having a hard time telling you for reasons of my own. But I don't generally go running my mouth off about Tybalt, and I would have guarded your secret with my life.

Not that you trusted me enough to find that out.

And I am sure there is more to be said, but my mun is reminding me she has to be at work in eight hours. Bah.

My mun is pitching the same fit, actually.

No, she was a secret. You made a choice to tell other people and not me. Unless my English is wrong, which is possible, that means you kept her secret from me.

Yes, for reasons of your own, but how is that any different from what I'm doing? I'm not just lying to you for no reason, Romeo. You may not think much of my reasons, but they are my reasons.

Why do they need to sleep when things are getting good? It's unfair.

Anyhow ... Yes. I made a mistake. Months and months ago, I should point out, long before we were serious.

That's not your get out of jail free card, and neither are your reasons. If you'd at least hinted, given me some clue or even told me there was something you couldn't tell me, it would be easier. But as things are it's going to feel, yes, like you stepped on my puppy.

Yes, that was before we were serious. But if you hadn't gotten caught out that night, when were you planning on telling me? The next week? Month? After we slept together? Or maybe right before you went to Verona to clean up that nasty estate business?

I'm not looking for a "get out of jail free card" or whatever. I was hoping maybe you'd understand WHY I haven't told you. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't and I even if I could, I don't know how.

I hadn't thought that far.

I knew I needed to tell you. I did. I just couldn't until the stupid game gave me an opening.

I do understand, Yurika. God knows your mission is far more important than anything I have planned for my life. But it's hard to love someone who's lied so much. How do I know I'm not just another piece of the master plan?

I know I need to tell you. I do. I just can't until something, somewhere, gives me a way to do so. I'm not going to potentially jeopardize your safety to soothe my guilt complex.

If you were just another piece of the master plan, would I be this emo about it all?

Then we should hope something gives you an opening.

As for your question, no. I don't think so. But, God forgive me for saying this, you are an excellent actress.

Are you going to start questioning if I've been acting in bed, too?

I think I could tell that. (And my mun is rolling her eyes and muttering something about my ego.)

You might be having a good time in bed and still have every intention to make me a pawn. I don't think it's especially likely -- I hope it isn't -- but this whole thing is damned unlikely.

So, you could tell if I was lying in bed, but not now?

(This would be both my mun, and me, making snide comments about men.)

Although now you've got me curious. What, exactly, is so 'damned unlikely'? That you could be dating a Witch Hunter at all? Or that it's me who's one of them?

I don't want to discuss our sex life in front of the school, but yes, I could tell if you were being false in that way. You aren't. You're there with me.

(My mun is rolling her eyes harder, but I know I'm right about this.)

My dating a witch hunter. You being a witch hunter. You keeping a secret from me. Pick a card, none of them seem likely to me.

Why not? If you don't want any more secrets, we might as well broadcast it to the whole school. It's not as if they don't know.

So, what? You don't think I'm capable of doing a job like that?

Edited 2008-07-28 19:46 (UTC)

They might know, but I've no desire to stage a show and tell.

Even if angry sex is hot.

... sorry, got distracted there. Anyhow, it's not that I think you couldn't -- I know you're smart and determined and all of that -- it's that I'm stunned you would want to. Most of the time you don't apply yourself to anything harder than teaching me dirty phrases in Japanese.

Well, maybe I just haven't had the change to apply myself. How do you think they recruited me? I wanted to be more than what options I had for my life.

And yes, angry sex is hot. If it helps, you can yell a bit more before I drag you off somewhere, and see if there's another way I can convince you about my intentions.

I can see that, but I hope you understand why I didn't guess it.

If you're trying to get my mind off all of this, by the way, you're succeeding.

Edited 2008-07-28 20:42 (UTC)

Really? If you're mind is off all of 'this', may I ask where it's headed?

(It's not that I'm trying to distract you, honest. You can go back to yelling at me later.)

It's headed to you and me in a quiet room, with everything else stripped away, and seeing what happens from there.

(Thank you for the offer. I don't know that yelling more will do any good, anyhow. We both feel awful as it is.)