fandomtherapy | Soap Opera are SO not fun

I fell off a cliff and died, came back in angel form, and then came back from the dead.

It's actually almost like canon.

Well, that's not too bad then.

I was recast as Lauren Conrad. Because apparently I had "contract issues" so I was thrown off a cliff and had to get plastic surgery. At least I got my real face back.

And an addiction!

I was an ex-con, sent to prison for ten years for running over a car salesman. Lucas Scott fingered me! So, I killed him. Twice.

And me and the woman I looooooooved got into a fight and did nothing.

And then I got lost at sea and had my face eaten by some piranhas. I came back for John and Jaina's wedding in a MASK AND NO COULD TELL IT WAS ME and I made the woman I looooooooooove faint.

SUCKY WEEKEND.

But the shoe! The shoe was genius!

I turned into an alcoholic deadbeat because my wife died. And then she came back as an angel to save me from myself.

And my son was a jackass police officer!

The son you couldn't help. But at least he didn't kiss a Skywalker.

(no subject)

tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com - 2008-10-13 16:56 (UTC) - Expand

I WAS A PRIEST. I COUNSELED PEOPLE ABOUT STUFF I DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT.

A good friend of mine threw her boobs at me and hugged me. A girl I don't know pressed her boobs against me and kissed me. Another girl I don't know hit on me. Another girl I DO know heaved her chest at me and made me stare at her boobs.

And I married one couple, almost married another and SANG ON STAGE.

...YOU'RE UPSET OVER BOOBS?!

(no subject)

armybrat-lois.livejournal.com - 2008-10-13 17:24 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

not-fangirl.livejournal.com - 2008-10-13 17:27 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

mparkerceo.livejournal.com - 2008-10-13 17:55 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

gobrookeyourself - 2008-10-13 18:56 (UTC) - Expand

I cried a lot, had a forbidden love with a girl I've talked to in class maybe twice and looked like Obi-Wan Kenobi because she thought it was funny.

. . . *eyes*

(no subject)

momslilassassin - 2008-10-13 15:52 (UTC) - Expand

I GOT SHOT, WTFFFFFFFFFFF.

Also, I got into a fight with my wife ex-boyfriend--hugely mature, that was--had some kind of rivalry with the family of the woman who hired me to work here, watched my granddaughter almost get married to the One With the Hair, and had to wonder if my wife was cheating on me.

AND DID I MENTION I GOT SHOT?!

The getting shot does sound vaguely familiar, yes.

I was a muck-raking journalist with a very high opinion of myself, and I was planning on destroying John Sheppard's reputation then sleeping with Chuck Bass...I need a shower.

There's also the part I just woke up in the bed of one of my friends from back home who I've apparently been carrying a torch for since she made a guest appearance in my canon.

Shhh. Lesbians.

I was bitter, scarred, and apparently living out a Johnny Cash song...one of the depressing ones.

At least it's good music?

I don't want to talk about it.

Logic does not work that way, and I don't care if she was making a point about the plausibility of any canon plot twists.

...did you have a random kid too?

(no subject)

twohalvesofaphd.livejournal.com - 2008-10-13 16:53 (UTC) - Expand

SHE KNOCKED ME UP.

I don't care if it's canon that I adore kids and I'm good with them. Not. Funny. She keeps laughing, but I'm not amused.

There was also that bit about Hinata being the baby-daddy's wife in disguise, magically alive and well, but I'm busy trying to repress that right now.

Was the kid also fathered by half the town?>

(no subject)

dojima-hime.livejournal.com - 2008-10-13 16:53 (UTC) - Expand

I DIED FROM AN ANEURYSM OF BRAIN CANCER!!!

No, that DOESN'T make any sense!

NOT BRAIN CANCER! NOOOOOOO!

I kind of love her for the sex I got.

But the dialogue? HOLY CRAP, WOMAN. What the hell? WHAT. THE. HELL?

Not only did I not take a breath for five minutes while expositioning, she had me tearing up at the drop of a hat, alliterating until my tongue was about to drop out, and cheesy cheesy villainess monologuing worthy of a goddamn Disney villain.

Just ENOUGH already. GOD.

You want bad dialogue?! I asked Nate to sex my pain away!

(no subject)

mparkerceo.livejournal.com - 2008-10-13 17:51 (UTC) - Expand

I was finally sort of getting back with my semi-boyfriend and we were gonna have sex again and we haven't in weeks now and then it turns out he was his own evil twin.

Also, I spent the weekend gratuitously expositioning, and my roommate died of a drug overdose after stealing some of my earrings.

So... you were from my canon?

I wasse a Vampyre.

Onne who Could Notte Spyll.

I will Fynd a waye to Leave this Computyre and Kyll Her.

As Youe Shoulde!

(no subject)

mparkerceo.livejournal.com - 2008-10-13 17:52 (UTC) - Expand

I thought you were my father! I slept with people for money! I apparently had a medical degree!

ENDER LOVED ME.

Even she's not sure what I was up to this weekend. Or why I said anything that came out of my mouth. Something about colors...

Sex with my boyfriend's brother.

The hell?

We've never even had an ounce of UST. You'd think she'd at least be nice and set me up with Dean or Alec or one of the either guys I've flirted with on a regular basis. But NOOOOOO. Let's cause angst with the boyfriend on our one year anniversary of being together!!!

I hate her.

I. WAS. AWESOME.

Oh. And my brother killed me to gain control of my father's fortune. AND THEN HE TOOK MY SCARF AND HE STILL HAS IT.

But then I got to kill Jamie so my hooker wouldn't have to marry him.

All in all a good weekend.

I got my face burned off by macaroni and cheese wtfffffffffff. But there was boobs. And I got to spend time with Martha. Mmmmm Martha. She's there when I get stabbed by clowns and get my face burned off. What a nice lady.

I don't think this fake goatee is ever going to wash off my face.

Ever.

...That's fake?

I'm already a soap opera really. So all I got was a re-cap of my cracked canon and regressed to what I was like when I first arrived.

There are a lot of things I could tell you about, but nothing compares with killing Chuck Bass with his own scarf.

I told Father Ned of my horribly tragic past as an alter boy, the girl I was betrothed to awoke from her 13-year-long coma and instead of telling her I was gay I ran away to my room where I was trapped in a mirror. WTF, mirror?

How many times do I have to say this? I fell down an open elevator shaft and died.