I am so oppressed

[http://users.livejournal.com/_wespryce/]

Dear Doctor,

I have emo daddy issues. Big-time.

However, so does everybody else in Fandom High. This means that my emo daddy issues are not getting their fair share of attention.

MY PARENTAL RELATIONSHIP IS WAY MORE F*CKED UP THAN YOURS! BOW BEFORE MY MISERY!

er... is my hour up yet?

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_wespryce/]

You just want an unobscured view of my crystal-blue soulful eyes.

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

No, I want you bruised and battered so I can give you to Lilah as a bribe.

[lilah-esq.livejournal.com]

A bribe for what? You could always tie him up and leave him in his closet for three months with only a bucket for company.

Oh, no, wait...

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

*evil chuckles*

And who knows? I may need a favor. I could maybe need some annoying guy in town kidnapped and delivered to me shirtless.

[lilah-esq.livejournal.com]

That's it? Put ten pairs of unmarked Manolos by the door to W&H and we'll call it a deal. Shirtless and/or soaking wet costs extra.

This season's, as if I needed to specify.

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

Deal! You want the snakeskin, of course. A *specific* shirtless wet guy, handcuffed, and I'll throw in a dozen Prada handbags.

[lilah-esq.livejournal.com]

Finally! Someone I don't have to explain things to!

You wouldn't happen to need a job in a multi-dimensional evil law firm, would you? We're always looking for good talent.

Depends on how tricky he is to capture. Is he wily?

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

No, but my multi-national evil corporation can always use another law firm to help us out. Some of our minions are stupider than others. They have to be *out* of jail before we can kill them for that.

Think coyote. On the other hand? Severe sugar addiction. Thrill addiction. Smugness addiction. Offer him candy, a roller coaster, and a chance to save a life, and he should be easy to grab.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_wespryce/]

I'd like to remind you who is the top in this relationship, and who dressed up with *pigtails* to try to get whose attention.

[lilah-esq.livejournal.com]

Hey, if you didn't favor girls who, except for the hair, look like preadolescent boys, I wouldn't have had to dress up.

And you wouldn't know the top of a relationship if you were sitting on it with a whip.

*waves a certain dollar under your nose*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_wespryce/]

Now you've done it. I just reread Salvage and cried.

[lilah-esq.livejournal.com]

*hands you monogrammed crying towel*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_wespryce/]

*holds it gingerly by one corner to avoid bloodstains*

[lilah-esq.livejournal.com]

Bloodstains? Isn't that your neck?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_wespryce/]

Please. I never let Angel get that far.

[lilah-esq.livejournal.com]

Uh huh. Cordelia told things a little differently.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_wespryce/]

Who are you going to trust, me or some ascended possessed evil-god-thing?

[lilah-esq.livejournal.com]

She told me before she was ascended, possessed or an evil god.