fandomtherapy | (no subject)

Current Mood: horny

(no subject)

So, let's talk about my favorite thing in the world: Sex.

Want more of it? Less of it? Who's not having it? Why aren't you having it? Would you like to have it with me?

And if you answer that last question with a "no", I'll know you're lying.

Alternatively for you prudes: How do you feel about bears and pie? Not mixed together. Or mixed together. I don't judge. My name's not Dan Humphrey.

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My boyfriend isn't putting out.

:(

Though we do other stuff. Ahem.

PREGNANCY HORMONES ARE FUN.

You should find yourself someone who puts out.

Hey...

*I* put out!

This intrigues me. I can't say I've ever had sex with a pregnant chick. Or at least not to my knowledge.

Bears and pie do not belong together in any capacity whatsoever. Bears on their own, however, are an important species and contribute to the environments in which they dwell. Pie is an excellent dessert in moderate amounts -- as with anything, over-consumption of pie can be detrimental.

And no, I don't want to talk about my sex life.

You said slow was all right!

I am WELL AWARE OF THAT.

Hey! You should ADVISE him. *nods*

Not having it. At all. But would like it! Before I turn 18! Geeze.

And I'm not having it because I don't have a boyfriend and that doesn't really matter, does it?

AND IT IS.

But the question weren't "Did you tell your boyfriend that slow is okay?"

SO I TOLD THE TRUTH.

I'm waiting till the time's right.

I'm not gay!

I've done other stuff.

It's perfectly normal!

So you're not getting any?

It's awesome.

And you can't poke the baby. I read all my books to make sure.

I don't think that's any of your business.

Hey, I offered. You have no one to blame but yourself.

Although I could probably be convinced to give you another chance.

I'm getting there, I'm getting there, sheesh.

Look, you've seen...me so you know it'll be good IN THAT PORTION of the activities.

I'm having so much sex that sometimes I worry I'm going to break his hip.

Long distance relationships are hard.

:(

But, fun when we ARE together. I save my stamina!

Yes. I'm glad my predictions were accurate.

:D :D :D :D :D

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure. Normally I'd walk away now but your girlfriend said I should give you advice.

So what's the real problem? Afraid you'll have performance anxiety?

You could always fix stuff around the building to work off that pent up sexual frustration.

I'm not surprised. Your sister was very vigorous. I can only imagine what a seasoned veteran like you would be like.

Phone sex?

Yeah. That's not really an issue I had with pregnancy sex. ~~I have a strict "No Fat Chicks" rule~~

I'm remarkably durable. You wear out quicker than me.

So not having it. Not sure why. I'm going with "the guy I'm kind of seeing is old-fashioned."

It's ... actually weirdly refreshing. Plus things went really badly last time I had sex, no need to jump right into it again. I'm cool with being single.

OKAY I would like to get lucky again before I graduate.

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