fandomtherapy | (no subject)

(no subject)

Is my son a failure?

Case in point, this is a typical day for Lee Gideon Adama:

-Wakes up
-Takes a two hour shower using soap for soft skin and three different shampoos and conditioners.
-Eats toast.
-Styles hair with seven different haircare products.
-Eats toast.
-Admires his biceps and professes his love for said biceps.
-Eats toast.
-Writes poetry about his *gag* feelings.
-Eats English muffins.
-Buys butter.
-Flirts with John Crichton. Does this mean he's gay? I can't tell.
-Let's ~~my sekkrit girlfriend~~ Kara Thrace have her way with him.
-Eats toast with butter and jam.
-Goes to sleep with a teddy bear.

WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

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Miss Twanky, have you met my son, Lee? He is far better looking than I and I have no doubt you could provide him with the proper education he needs.

~~You were not there to hold her during her pain!~~

From what I hear, your son does not need any education in how to be a proper gentleman. You, however, need to be taken firmly in hand.

~~I have no doubt you made her cry, merely so you could hold her. You lecherous fiend!~~

Does your deat Callisto learn her promiscuity from you, ma'am? Because from what I hear you ~~CHEATED ON ME~~ also came onto several other men the weekend that we met. My education is scattered and broken because of women who treat me bad.

~~My dear Twanky, if I'd wanted to hold Callisto, I would've done so without the pesky tears as an excuse. However, I had another in mind...~~

The dear girl is the very picture of chasity ~~by Fandom High standards at least~~.I did nothing of the sort ~~mostly because not even Twanky can ruffle Jack Bristow's feathers~~. I'm more than willing to fill in any gaps in your education. You know what they say, treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen.

*flails against Daddy Adama's manly chest* You brute, you ravisher of young women.

~~She flirts with vampires!~~ As for this education, would there be tests?

*grabs and looks at her sternly* Romance is overrated.

~~What young, carefree girl hasn't?~~ Continual, the only way to learn is trough practical application of theory.

~~Unhand me, uncouth villian. *fearlessly looks deep into his velvet eyes, which flash with anger* You do not treat a lady in this fashion.~~

Will there be hands on demonstrations?

*deep laughter* Do not pretend that you do not like it. You fell into my arms a few weeks ago. I know your body language. You are a terrible liar.

Naturally, after all, a student always needs an experienced hand guiding them.

~~Twankys do not lie. *trembles, helpless in his firm unyielding embrace* You know nothing of my body, you overly familiar ruffian.~~

I might be interested in this education. A man in my position must broaden his horizons.

~~Do not make me prove my knowledge!~~

You would find me a very good teacher, I am very good at broadening the horizons of men in a number of posistions.

~~I mock your supposed knowledge, you rakish vagabond.~~

Shall we set up an appointment time then?

~~*holds you close to my manly bosom*~~

For you, I'll clear my schedule.

*is trapped against your manly bosom*

*looks up into your dark, wild, eyes*

*writes appointment down in day planner*

~~*kisses you breathless but does not close eyes!*~~

I look forward to teaching you everything I know.

*is, omg, kissed breathless*

*swoons*

And I look forward to your firm hand and swift teaching methods.

~~*throws you over my shoulder, takes you somewhere privates and OMG RAVISHES you*~~

Until then my good man.

~~*is OMG RAVISHED*~~

I look forward to it.

~~*happies but does not show it because OMG REPUTATION*~~

*is scared*

~~*needs OMG BRAINBLEACH*~~

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