So...

[ten-and-chips.livejournal.com]

My mun and I have decided that we all should have the opportunity to talk to Little Wooden Boy or the equivalent. Not necessarily about Ms Pryde, mind you. Just about life.

Comments

[ten-and-chips.livejournal.com]

I'll start.
I hate myself. I hate myself and did I mention that my girlfriend was making out with an Immortal? yeah, that stings. I hate myself. And it's not like suicide would work either. In fact, it would probably just make things worse.

Bloody regeneration shite. [kicks the floor, hard] Ow.

I'm going to spend most of today trying to figure out how to apologise. To everyone, except for Geoff, but I'll probably apologise to him again too holy shit, I kissed him. where the HELL did that come from?. Cally probably won't ever forgive me, too.

[bangs head against the wall a bunch of times]



Yeah, but you're still depressed about things. Serves you right, Ms. 'Gremlin bite?! That sounds like fun!'

We'd better.

[psycho-barbie.livejournal.com]

*pats*

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

Little Wooden Boy is just a few pieces of wood bound together in a crude manner. He cannot speak. But if he could, he would say that it isn't your fault, and the only way to apologize (Little Wooden Boy is American and spells "apologize" with a "z") is from your heart.

Now leave him alone before he gives you a splinter.

[sogothcally.livejournal.com]

*OMG, FLEE!*

[prof-methos.livejournal.com]

Damn. And I was still locked in the closet when you kissed Geoff AND I MISSED IT.

Ahem. I mean. Yes, dreadful, quite. Want me to kiss it and make it better?

[psycho-barbie.livejournal.com]

Okay, so my family was slaughtered when I was eleven...

...no, I don't want to talk about my family being slaughtered, I'm over that.

No, I don't think the insomnia, nightmares, flashbacks, general inability to trust anyone, and attraction to people incapable of returning my feelings has anything to do with my family's horrible demise.

Moving on. In the hopes of getting some closure, I dedicated my entire life to killing Xena in revenge. But since being here I've found myself caring for people, taking part in altruistic acts, making out with vampires, doing deeds which may be called "Heroic"...

No, I don't find this is a sign of healing. I find it highly disconcerting and going against my natural inclinations.

Yes, I am including the making out with vampires under going against my natural inclinations.

What did you just say?

CUTE?!?

I'll give you cute! Now where did I put that axe?

Hey! Where you going?

[ten-and-chips.livejournal.com]

Haven't seen any axes. Sorry. I have a sword though, if you want it.

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

Little Wooden Boy cannot speak. But if he could, he would say that you aren't cute. You're adorable! And no sharp object that can be used to chop wood can separate you and him.

Or he would if he had a basic understanding of human concepts like "adorable" and "emotional attachment." But he doesn't even have a brain.

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

[OOC: Brilliant! Little Wooden Boy will hit this post tonight after work.]

[ten-and-chips.livejournal.com]

((The Doctor could really use a Little Wooden Boy right now (http://www.livejournal.com/community/fandomtherapy/6369.html?thread=395745#t395745). Cheers!))

[chasingangela]

My life is just ... falling apart around me. My parents are splitting up, my dad is apparently living with this completely obnoxious woman he works with, and I think my boyfriend may have killed one of my friends. He says that if he did it, he was under a fear toxin, but he doesn't have the best track record as far as truthfillness and good judgement go. Can I trust him?

And then I hate myself for thinking that.

If someone else killed this person ... I had two chances to warn her and passed them both up.

I want to go back to Pennsylvania.

[ten-and-chips.livejournal.com]

I think you can trust Marty now, more than you could have before.

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

If Little Wooden Boy could speak, he would say that what you feel is natural. It's not that you don't trust your boyfriend, it's that if he did do something it was out of his hands, and that's tough to deal with.

LWB would continue: And no matter what, how could you know someone would kill her? You couldn't. You're not to blame at all.

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

Dear Little Wooden Boy,

So, I'm a sociopath and that works for me. I'm polite and kind of shy and apparently pretty and as a result some girls and a few boys seem to like me.

Unfortunately, people won't leave me alone. See, I had this experimant right? And I tested my fear toxin on a couple people and everyone is acting like I killed tham or something! I mean, it could have been worse, in the future I'm going to use mental patients put under my care by the State in my twisted fear experiments. These people are all fine and it only lasted a couple hours! It's not permanent like it will be some day.

And Martin Blank is like, after me or something. Maybe he thinks I'm cute? Apparently a lot of people do, but only girls like Paige want to go out with me. Do you think I'll get a reputation like hers? Do you think Sawyer's going to kick my ass when he finds out I'm totally boning his girlfriend? but dude! who hasn't? But yeah, Martin Blank is pulling my pigtails over this and it's making me very sad.

And all that 'blaming the fear toxin' stuff? Lame. I mean, is it my fault that unlike everyone else while under the effects of the fear toxin, he became homicidally violent? I think that says something about him, rather than something about me. I have no idea why my fucked upness is worthy of recrimination and investigation but Blank's is simply glossed over.

Is it the black? Should I wear more black? Or is it the hot redheaded girlfriend? I don't think I could talk Lily into giving up Draco for me but if it would help...

Love,
Jonathan

((umm, much love to Blank-mun and everyone else involved in the plot against Jonathan, this isn't me attacking or anything. Oh Also much love to Paige-mun, who puts up with me leaving for lab in the middle of NWS scenes. This is not me attacking you either!))

[the4thsister.livejournal.com]

*Paige whacks Jonathan upside the head for saying such things about her also suspects he might totally enjoy it*

((no worries, I have turned her slightly easy, but you know it's all that I could get killing by a demon at any moment thing!))

[the4thsister.livejournal.com]

Oh and yes I do think Sawyer's gonna kick your ass if he finds out, but hey the open relationship thing was agreed upon and if he does kick your ass I'll kick his and I'm so much tougher than he is and can with hold sex (no really I can I've just wanted to so far!)

[http://users.livejournal.com/___lily_evans_/]

[Don't worry - he may dump me after last night anyway. *laughs evil-ly*]

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

If Little Wooden Boy could move, he would LEAP AT THE EVILDOER AND SMITE HIM! He can't though. So he would merely suggest that you let the heat on you cool down a little. No toxins for a little bit. If you need to get work some issues out while still freaking people out, take up harmless pranks. Whipped cream pies in the face, joy buzzers, squirting flowers.

Ease up on the psychological evil and just play the part of the joker for a bit.

[the4thsister.livejournal.com]

Dear Little Wooden Boy (while I'm here anyway)

I know deep down my new boyfriend is a total jackass, but he's always so nice to me and good in bed I don't seem to be able to care. Also I'm totally lusting after a really shy guy who I really want to tie up and whip while wearing a tiny PVC dressn but I'm worried it'll scare him off. What should I do?

Oh yeah and I'm destined to like save the world from ultimate evil with my sisters and stuff which is a bit of a worry to be honest and also making live a little widely before I get murdered

Paige

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

If Little Wooden Boy could actually give advice, he would suggest that Paige just take a break from guys for a bit. Which isn't to say that she should start with the girls. He would mean that she needs some alone time. Not meant that way.

He would say that she needs a hobby. Try doing puzzles. They give plenty of time for refection. And, uh, she can learn about linking powers or something. It might be useful. Give it some thought.

[sogothcally.livejournal.com]

Dear Little Wooden Boy,

Life is great, other than massive outside forces trying to make me emo.

Make them stop.

Ktnhxbai.

[ten-and-chips.livejournal.com]

I said I'm sorry. [sighs]

[crazyvampchick]

Dear Little Wooden Boy:

I don't like you. You're not a real dolly at all, and Miss Edith is much prettier than you. But you listen better than she does, because she's just made of porcelain.

Would you like a cup of tea? All the stars in the sky are singing out the right name, but nobody can hear it but I--and I'm not telling.

Drusilla

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

If Little Wooden Boy could understand what the hell this woman was saying, he would deserve the Nobel Prize for Understanding Crazy People. But he couldn't. He would have been greatful for that if he could. She could probably read minds or something, which he didn't have.

[sharon-valerii.livejournal.com]

Dear Little Wooden Boy,

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm going insane. I keep losing moments of my day. Time moves strangely for me--though it's gotten better. I took out a bunch of books from the library, and didn't remember it.

There's an entire weekend missing, too. Everyone talks about the zombies, but I don't remember. Any of it.

It's very frustrating.

Also, Helo isn't here, and the Chief left ages ago, and I feel rather alone. And Willow is hardly around to talk to.

Sigh.

feeling emo,
Sharon, who is not a Cylon. Really.

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

If he could get such a thing stuck in his head, Little Wooden Boy would be thinking the phrase "Domo arigato." But the only thing actually stuck in his head was a nail.

Little Wooden Boy would suggest that you have some tea and keep a PDA on you with frequently updated schedule. If you're anal enough, you might be able to at least narrow down the boundries of this missing time. That might lead you to something. Little Wooden might shrug right now if he could.

[medusae-x.livejournal.com]

Dear Little Wooden Boy,

Krycek is a big fat meanie. He keeps threatening my life for things like gifts (http://www.livejournal.com/community/fandomhighdorms/238159.html) and mysteriously appearing cupcakes (http://www.livejournal.com/community/fandomhigh/313204.html?thread=15316852#t15316852) and more gifts (http://www.livejournal.com/users/krycek_rat/10943.html)!

He can't prove a damn thing!

.. and I fear what he'll do when he hears the radio tonight.. cuz he'll blame me for that and I deny all responsibility!
-Duce

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

Little Wooden Boy would suggest that Krycek is really just a big old softie at heart and doesn't mean any of it, but he isn't alive. LWB would find it hard to believe that Krycek could ever hurt anyone like that and that Duce has nothing to worry about.

On an unrelated note, if he could, Little Wooden Boy would suggest that you should wear your snakes in a Cerberus-tail.