Ask Little Wooden Boy

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

Do you have problems? Do you think that there's just nobody you can talk to?

You can talk to Little Wooden Boy. He may not be alive. And he may just be a pile of ashes at the moment. But he's still here for you. Talk to the Little Wooden Boy. It'll make you feel better.

Comments

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Little Wooden Boy, I cannot cook toast at all. Since you're intimately acquainted with fire now *CRIEZ*, do you have any advice?

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

If Little Wooden Boy could, he would whimper. FIRE BAD!

Be glad Little Wooden Boy isn't anything but just a few pieces of wood linked together then burned, or else you would have just depressed him. There are people who would get on you for that.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Do we make an offering for your advice?

*drops some Lifesavers and an old movie stub at LWB's feet*

Why did you have to go away, LWB? The school misses you.

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

No offering is necessary, LWB would say if it were in any way possible. Although he would appreciate the Lifesavers if he could.

He would also appreciate the sentiment of John's words. But he can't. His job was done and he went up in a fiery blaze. But he'll be back someday.

[dorky-broots.livejournal.com]

My...laptop....*sob*

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

Little Wooden Boy is strictly low-tech, so he doesn't quite get the attachment to a laptop. Well, there's also his lack of a mind.

But if he could speak, he would tell Broots to hang in there, buddy. Everything will be fine in time.

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

Dear Little Wooden Boy, I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to my best friend IC as well as OOC. Help!

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

Little Wooden Boy is trying not to make a joke about being a Little Wooden Boy to Lee.

Even though he is just a pile of ashes, you could probably hear him snickering.

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

Lee finds Little Wooden Boy very unhelpful!!!

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

Little Wooden Boy, if he could, would stop snickering. But he can't. Not because he's a pile of ashes, just because he found his joke that amusing.

After a while, he would tell Lee that if he's having these issues, he has to talk it out with his best friend both IC and OOC in order to settle things on both ends.

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

Lee would thank LWB for the advice if he heard it, omg.

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

Little Wooden Boy would tell Lee that he was welcome.

And stop snickering.

Eventually.

[sogothcally.livejournal.com]

Mr. Little Wooden Boy, sir. Why do people make fun of Anders and me? I don't understand. We're perfect together, why is there so much mocking?

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

If Little Wooden Boy could talk, he would tell Cally that it's all just part of the Universe balancing itself. Cally and Anders bring so much cuteness into the world with their relationship that the Universe has to smack them around a little in a relatively gentle way (it would be harsher, but again, so much cuteness, who would want to hurt that?). After all, they only get mocking, not angst.

And then he would note that he doesn't see any pigtails, missy.

[sogothcally.livejournal.com]

*sighs, and puts hair into poorly photoshopped pigtails*

Happy?

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

If Little Wooden Boy were in a solid and not ashen state, he would melt into a puddle from teh pooly photoshopped cuteness.

With better coding this time.

[ten-and-chips.livejournal.com]

Little Wooden Boy, everyone seems to be falling for me lately. As in more people than in the last few hundred years of my life. Why is this happening to me now?

[nine-and-ears.livejournal.com]

I believe the phrase "suddenly being a young, attractive man again", springs to mind... cheeky monkey.

[ten-and-chips.livejournal.com]

Eight wasn't THAT bad looking, I don't think.

[nine-and-ears.livejournal.com]

Poor bastard doesn't really have much of a canon, though, That's the problem.

[ten-and-chips.livejournal.com]

Aye, that's true.

[notavegetarian.livejournal.com]

....Frock coat. hrm. *distracted* I will not make an Eight account, I will not make an Eight account. Even if I could then mess with certain people on sages with it, ooh.

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

If Little Wooden Boy could comprehend things like love and living for hundreds of years, he would tell The Doctor that the number ten is very sexy, and people are probably feeling that. Also, after the gremlin thing a little while ago, they think he's dangerous. People also like bad boys.

[ten-and-chips.livejournal.com]

But, Little Wooden Boy, I'm a white hat. Never mind the anger management issues.

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

Well, Little Wooden Boy would respond, that means that you're reliable, even if the contradicting Bad Boy statement also applies. People are weird.

But never doubt the power of the number ten.

[ten-and-chips.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Little Wooden Boy. Would you like a biscuit?

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

If Little Wooden Boy had an appetite, or a stomach, or a physical body, or the knowledge of if this is a British biscuit or an American biscuit, he would accept.

He has none of these things, though, so he would politely decline if he could.

[flash-serpent.livejournal.com]

Little Wooden Boy, nobody likes me because of the job I do...but they won't leave me alone either. How do I get people to stop pestering me for Lust, Wrath, Sins my time?

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

Little Wooden Boy could not answer due to the usual problem of being an inanimate pile of ashes. But if he could, he would tell Crowley to make sure he smells really bad. Nothing keeps people away better than a really bad odor.

[can_be_more]

Little Wooden Boy, everyone thinks I'm scary. How do I fix that without losing my kickassness?

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

If Little Wooden Boy could answer, he would tell Aeryn to bake cookies. That is a very friendly gesture. If anyone laughs or mocks, punch them. That will keep the kickassness intact.

[can_be_more]

Aeryn stares at him. If he had actually answered, she would have countered with, "But Janet already baked cookies. I would be stealing her thunder. Please offer another suggestion."

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

Cake, he would respond.

[can_be_more]

Aeryn nods. "Thank you for your assistance."

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

LWB would say that Aeryn is welcome. Sir.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_wespryce/]

[ooc]
Dear Little Wooden Boy,

I just spent an hour trying to book an open-jaw flight over Thanksgiving.

Now I want to kill myself with a rubber mallet. And while I'm at it, I want to kill Orbitz, Delta, America West, and all other electronic gizmos that snatch fares away AFTER I HAVE COMMITTED TO THEM. Now I have a half-hour connection through Phoenix, which is razor-thin for the thanksgiving weekend.

How many years do I spend in hell fo the sin of rage?

Ta.

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

Little Wooden Boy is not a big believer in the afterlife. He isn't a big believer in anything, as he is a pile of ashes. Belief tends to be impossible to his people. But if he did believe, and if he could answer, he would take a guess and say forty-two.

[carter-i-am.livejournal.com]

Little Wooden Boy,

I spent the entire afternoon helping a friend paint his apartment, and I came home covered in paint and angsty beyond belief, OMG. Please help.

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

If Little Wooden Boy were crass enough to (and at all capable of) use his spiritual brother, the pencil, he would have made a list:

1) Get the paint off of you through whatever methods people would use to do so.
2) Play Monopoly. Be the banker. Cheat openly and threaten anyone who calls you on it. It's good catharsis.
3) If that doesn't work, use the board to hit anyone who can't keep a secret. Not that I know anything about that.
4) Have some tea and listen to calming music.

[ihatedenmark.livejournal.com]

Dear Little Wooden Boy,

I'm having a hard time getting up the drive to kill one of my relatives. I know he's guilty of murder most foul and that I'd make my Daddy happy and better my life, but I just can't seem to go through with it. What should I do?

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

If Little Wooden Boy could possibly have a sense of Justice from being friends with The Tick, he would feel very strongly that killing in vengence is bad. And if he could remember his previous advice to people, he would suggest the following to Hamlet:

Have some of the cake that Aeryn makes. Cake makes you happy and less likely to kill. Unless somebody tries to steal your cake, in which case, all bets are off. And then play some Monopoly with Sam and don't call her on cheating. You'd regret it. And if that doesn't completely wipe that persistant bloodlust, take a gander at Pigail!Cally. Just replace that nagging anger with happiness and you'll be fine.

And then go to the UN and see if they'll overthrow your royal relative for you.