fandomtherapy | (no subject)

(no subject)

Is my son a failure?

Case in point, this is a typical day for Lee Gideon Adama:

-Wakes up
-Takes a two hour shower using soap for soft skin and three different shampoos and conditioners.
-Eats toast.
-Styles hair with seven different haircare products.
-Eats toast.
-Admires his biceps and professes his love for said biceps.
-Eats toast.
-Writes poetry about his *gag* feelings.
-Eats English muffins.
-Buys butter.
-Flirts with John Crichton. Does this mean he's gay? I can't tell.
-Let's ~~my sekkrit girlfriend~~ Kara Thrace have her way with him.
-Eats toast with butter and jam.
-Goes to sleep with a teddy bear.

WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

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The Widow Twanky sends her love, Billy.

~~It was your fault I was crying in the first place!~~

I do not send mine back. Her love scarred me and sent me into therapy.

~~Grow a thicker skin, woman!~~

You shall be mine William Adama!

~~And stop making my delightful young sponsee cry, you wicked brute~~

~~*loves Widow Twanky*~~

Miss Twanky, have you met my son, Lee? He is far better looking than I and I have no doubt you could provide him with the proper education he needs.

~~You were not there to hold her during her pain!~~

From what I hear, your son does not need any education in how to be a proper gentleman. You, however, need to be taken firmly in hand.

~~I have no doubt you made her cry, merely so you could hold her. You lecherous fiend!~~

Does your deat Callisto learn her promiscuity from you, ma'am? Because from what I hear you ~~CHEATED ON ME~~ also came onto several other men the weekend that we met. My education is scattered and broken because of women who treat me bad.

~~My dear Twanky, if I'd wanted to hold Callisto, I would've done so without the pesky tears as an excuse. However, I had another in mind...~~

The dear girl is the very picture of chasity ~~by Fandom High standards at least~~.I did nothing of the sort ~~mostly because not even Twanky can ruffle Jack Bristow's feathers~~. I'm more than willing to fill in any gaps in your education. You know what they say, treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen.

*flails against Daddy Adama's manly chest* You brute, you ravisher of young women.

~~She flirts with vampires!~~ As for this education, would there be tests?

*grabs and looks at her sternly* Romance is overrated.

~~What young, carefree girl hasn't?~~ Continual, the only way to learn is trough practical application of theory.

~~Unhand me, uncouth villian. *fearlessly looks deep into his velvet eyes, which flash with anger* You do not treat a lady in this fashion.~~

Will there be hands on demonstrations?

*deep laughter* Do not pretend that you do not like it. You fell into my arms a few weeks ago. I know your body language. You are a terrible liar.

Naturally, after all, a student always needs an experienced hand guiding them.

~~Twankys do not lie. *trembles, helpless in his firm unyielding embrace* You know nothing of my body, you overly familiar ruffian.~~

I might be interested in this education. A man in my position must broaden his horizons.

~~Do not make me prove my knowledge!~~

Now look what you've done!

~~Not my fault you produce emo in all who meet you!~~

Did you call her? I am not marrying her to be your stepfather no matter how much you want that to be!

~~It's a gift but I would've thought you would have been stronger. Cylon!Xena was wrong about you!~~

You brought her up first! Not you're marrying her because you like to be a ~~sekrit boyfriend~~ pseudeo-daddy to strong, young, blonde women.

~~I am more than strong enough to withstand your emo-fu! It was suggesting Widow Twanky was my blood relative that did it!~~

~~You're onto me!~~ That is not true though I do believe you need a strong male figure in your life. You need discipline for your insubordinate ways.

~~I bet hearing that will make Miss Twanky cry!~~

~~Ha! I knew it.~~ That's why I have Professor the Tick! They don't come much stronger. ~~If I wanted discipline I'd ask Angelus to spank me.~~

~~Cry me a river, baby.~~

You love The Tick? That's...odd. How do you deal with the antennas?

Adama men (with the exception of Lee) do not cry! ()

My love for The Tick is a pure and noble thing. Do not bring it down with your smutty innuendoes. You'd be surprised...

I could have sworn I saw tears as you fled Widow Twanky at Parent's Weekend.

Will be having Mr. Tick's children? Every alpha male needs a woman to continue the bloodline.

~~I HAD SOMETHING IN MY EYE!~~

That is between The Tick and myself ~~and possibly Professor Maclay~~.

~~Tears and the look of absolute terror!~~

~~Well if you want to watch...~~

~~I'd watch Callisto spank almost anyone. Almost.~~

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